She thinks about the other side
wondering if you live to die
if only she would've cried
talk to some one instead of hide.
Now she thinks its too late
To let her emotional sunami wave
Wash over her as her fate
Her heart is a deserted cave.
Selfish acts are all that're here
Human nature took her too far
As she looks down a single tear
Hit a the small figure of a car.
Wind whips through her strawberry hair
An errie chill runs up her spine
She thinks this is the only way to be fair
She had no will left to shine.
The line between living
And simply exsisting before demise
Was behind her, the end was giving
Death was ahead of her, her prize.
She looked up at the clear blue
Watched a bird pass a cloud
And jumped while enjoying her view
Only to hope it would not be too loud
Absorbed by weightlessness
Her limbs were spread wide
She would not die feeling less
Not wanting to abide
Pavement glared her in the eye
As she neared the end
She had reached the ultimate high
And not a single injury she'd mend
The cord pulled at her waist
She passed the tear of fear cried at the top
Thinking she had maybe been acting in haste
When she decided to drop.
Friends pulled her to refuge
She sobbed in their arms
There warmth and love was huge
She did not want any more harms.
Now thankful for her being
This girl took a step toward lady
She learned to see life as freeing
No longer was she ever shady.
Can some one please give me some criticism on my poem?
Inconsistency in playing with the rhyming ends.
The story is a bit too cliche. But undeniably touching.
And its spelled 'tsunami'.
Can some one please give me some criticism on my poem?
Your rythym is off in most of the poem. It looks like your struggling to end every other line with a rhyme, regardless of whether or not it's lyrically right.
Can some one please give me some criticism on my poem?
Its has TOO many rhymes. EVERY line of your poem has a rhyme!
Can some one please give me some criticism on my poem?
Its too long.
Can some one please give me some criticism on my poem?
It kinda sounds weird. Maybe you should give "her" a name.
I think it'll sound better that way.
Can some one please give me some criticism on my poem?
deserves no criticism, it's very very good as it is
Can some one please give me some criticism on my poem?
Very very deep.
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