Saturday, November 28, 2009

What do you think of this Poem?

Wine and rank poison, milk and blood,



Being mixed therein



Since first the devil threw dice with God



For you, Faustine.



Your naked new-born soul, their stake,



Stood blind between;



God said "let him that wins her take



And keep Faustine."



But this time Satan throve, no doubt:



Long since, I ween,



God's part in you was battered out;



Long since, Faustine.



The die rang sideways as it fell,



Rang cracked and thin,



Like a man's laughter heard in hell



Far down, Faustine,



A shadow of laughter like a sigh,



Dead sorrow's kin;



So rang, thrown down, the devil's die



That won Faustine.



A suckling of his breed you were,



One hard to wean;



But God, who lost you, left you fair,



We see, Faustine.



You have the face that suits a woman



For her soul's screen--



The sort of beauty that's called human



In hell, Faustine.



You could do all things but be good



Or chaste of mien;



And that you would not if you could,



We know, Faustine.



Even he who cast seven devils out



Of Magdalene



Could hardly do as much, I doubt,



For you, Faustine.



Did Satan make you to spite God?



Or did God mean



To scourge with scorpions for a rod



Our sins, Faustine?



I know what queen at first you were,



As though I had seen



Red gold and black imperious hair



Twice crown Faustine.



As if your fed sarcophagus



Spared flesh and skin,



You come back face to face with us,



The same Faustine.



She loved the games men played with death,



Where death must win;



As though the slain man's blood and breath



Revived Faustine.



Nets caught the pike, pikes tore the net;



Lithe limbs and lean



From drained-out pores dripped thick red sweat



To soothe Faustine.



She drank the steaming drift and dust



Blown off the scene;



Blood could not ease the bitter lust



That galled Faustine.



All round the foul fat furrows reeked,



Where blood sank in;



The circus splashed and seethed and shrieked



All round Faustine.



But these are gone now: years entomb



The dust and din;



Yea, even the bath's fierce reek and fume



That slew Faustine.



Was life worth living then? and now



Is life worth sin?



Where are the imperial years? and how



Are you Faustine?



Your soul forgot her joys, forgot



Her times of teen;



Yea, this life likewise will you not



Forget, Faustine?



What do you think of this Poem?

Well, I read it three times before attempting to comment. First, the structure is consistent, the rhyming not strained, the grammar good. It drives and moves very well. But I still do not understand the character. In one verse blood calms her, in one it cannot ease the bitter lust, and in one it killed her. I get the impression she has lived many lifetimes on this plane, but I'm not sure. It's very Poe-etical, if you'll forgive the pun. And you definitely are a wordsmith, something I haven't seen here before. Very evocative, even if I'm not exactly sure what it means.



What do you think of this Poem?

Wow, quite dark and deep there.



What do you think of this Poem?

Most words of your poem are confusing just to rhyme but somehow I get the gist. I'll make 1 comment.



There are two parts, one talking to Faustine, and the other about Faustine. It would have been better to just focus on talking to her. Question her about the wrath the Gods and the Devils have given her. Emphasize how it all started and how it ends, what Faustine has done and what she deserves. Are we affected by her doing? All of a sudden we envision a lady terribly scorned, only in the end did we know how her fate came to be.



I hope you grasp the sense I'm willing to share. I hope this helps.



What do you think of this Poem?

A good poem, however, confusing.

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